The Pink Candy Store

Dear Unconditional Love - what would you have me know today about my parents?

Oh honey. Your sweet parents. Boy have they given so much of themselves for so much of their lives for you, your brother and your family. I know how much you admire them. I know how much you love them. And I know how much you worry. You worry that they don’t see you, that they don’t know you. That you’re a new person now and that they have no interest in getting to know this version of you. It makes so much sense to worry about that babe. Who wouldn’t want to be seen and known by the people who gave birth to them, gave them life?

And your parents, wow. They’ve given you life in a way so many people only dream of. In fact, so many people couldn’t even dream of the kind of love and life you’ve received from your parents. It was and has been an unimaginable candy store.

Have you ever thought that maybe it is BECAUSE of the near flawless candy store you grew up in, that the small transgressions seem so huge? Imagine a candy store that is perfectly pink. It has everything you want and need. Love and affection - pink jelly beans. Attention and adoration - pink candy corn. Presence and understanding - pink Neccos. Soft listening - pink mint melts. Everything else a mixture of pink chocolate. Even the pink sour candy is sweet when you need it. The pushes to do better, the things you need, all making up this pink candy store.

And then your dad believes in you so much that he gives you extra focus and attention pushing you to be better. And you see it as picking on you. There’s suddenly one coffee flavored jelly bean in the sea of pink candies. How starkly it stands out! It must be eradicated immediately.

How unfair for your dad. Doing everything he could to help you reach your full potential. And you see the brown coffee jelly bean, it’s not something you need. And that’s fair and true and beautiful too, you telling him that doesn’t work for you. But there’s no conversation where you feel heard in your seeing of the brown jelly bean. Only an explanation trying to convince you that the brown jelly bean is pink too.

You resist harder, you’re not being heard, you’re not being seen. They never see me! They don’t get me! It’s one example, and it’s a big one because all you needed was to be told, “I believe you that this is a brown coffee jelly bean for you and you don’t like it. Help me understand what you need to make these soccer jelly beans pink again.”

It feels awful now to think of how small that experience was and how you wish you could’ve given your dad the benefit of the doubt back then. You know it’s not too late. Tell him you’re thinking about this. Tell him you know there was a spotlight here because of all the pink candy. That’s not his fault, that’s not yours. You can save the part where you share what you needed. Because I’m here to tell you that I believe you. Do you believe me when I tell you that you and I are all you need? You and I know your experience and your perspective are real and true and beautiful. It’s not any less so because someone tried to convince you your experience was something else.

That’s some people’s way of making things better, my love. It’s not wrong or right. It’s different than what you need. It’s ok to recognize it that way and send them love without trying to change or correct them. You and I see you and believe you and your experiences, you can always come back here when you need to be reminded of that. Convincing is just as much of a cage as outward argumentative conversation babe. 

I know convincing feels like being seen. You want your mom to see you too. You showed her and thanked her for everything she did this weekend. She is doing EVERYTHING she can to see you babe. But she’s not you. That’s the difference.

You can see the effort now from a 40,000 foot view. You can see that nothing in this universe is perfect. But there are people earthside that are TRYING perfectly. How the fuck else do you expect people to behave? Robots are boring, my love. It will be a never ending process on this Earth School to dance with the people you care about in the same room all doing different routines but TRYING so hard to dance in synchronicity. 

SEE them trying babe. Just like you want them to see you. Thank them for doing everything they can. And when there is a piece of candy that stands out as light red instead of pink in your candy store (THE HORROR!), please notice it with grace and allow it to join you. Rainbows are more beautiful anyways, my love ;-)

~

And P.S. I know you’re worried about how you can get your brother to see the 40,000 foot view right now. Convince him how much trying your parents did and have done. That their missteps were only small off colored candy in his blue candy store too.

But, my love, that’s not your job.

He couldn’t make you see it like you do now. In fact, if he tried I’d imagine you would be digging your heels in harder. That makes sense. Let him have his space to process and come to his airplane vantage point in his own time.

Right now his microscopic view is keeping him safe. It feels like freedom, but it’s a cage. He’ll listen to the whispers in his own time. Love him now where he’s at, don’t waste time not. He deserves it, just like you did when you walked away from soccer. Believe him, trust him. Hold him. It will make an unseeable difference, I promise you.

Can you find the one coffee jelly bean in this picture?…Didn’t think so =P Thanks, ChatGPT.