Shape Shifting
Dear Unconditional Love - What would you have me know today?
Oh love I can feel your joy and I can feel your tears. What is coming up for you after reading, I mean listening, to Liz’s video just now? You felt warm, you felt cozy, you wanted tea. Please go get some tea. Your sweet baby is sleeping, you’ve had this nagging for a while you wanted to get ahead of his cortisol cycle. Tonight you did. You sang your special song, a song you almost forgot until it came up on your Smooshy playlist this week.
“Come stop your crying it will be alright” you changed to “Oh it’s ok to cry my Smooshy Pie, just take my hand, hold it tight” so beautiful babe.
I know you miss singing. Why do you have a fear of singing these days? I know the answer… do you? I know you’re worried about not being good enough anymore. Maybe you wouldn’t be cast as Danny in Grease now. Maybe you won’t be as good as you used to be. Was that your fear at Zumba today? Pure exhaustion from lack of “in shape”ness? I can tell you love that you ARE a shape, which means you’re in the perfect shape.
Now let’s talk about being something we used to be as a sign that we are “as good” as we used to be.
Now that you hear that coming from me, do you see how it doesn’t even make sense?
You are a shape shifter. You have molded shapes so many times before. Every new shape will not fit into ANY previous shape, my love. That’s what shape shifting means. You can’t move through this journey on Earth School looking backwards and wishing you fit into a previous shape. Your beautiful voice softened your rainbow baby to sleep tonight. Is that “good enough”? That wouldn’t have happened in your Danny days. Smooshy wasn’t here yet.
I know it’s so hard for you to type “baby” without “rainbow” in front of it. That makes sense my love. I promise that when I speak to you about Smooshy and say “baby” that I am here with Hope who has assured me of her comfort with Smooshy’s own personhood. Because she has her own too, my love.
How fun is it to think about us together? We’re giggling too. You know who else is here? Annie’s mom. Picture the rolling hills and the shining sun. Who else do you see here with me? You see Grandpa Red waving, Dallas running to catch a football, Bogey rubbing up against a tree and waving to strangers, Gram starting her own “Reformed Republicans” group as she shares everything she learned when she shamed you for voting Democrat. All the babies are here too, Leigh Anne’s, Beth’s, Lenora’s, Lindsay’s, Alyssa’s, Christina’s, April’s, your Grandma’s, Drew’s twin siblings. We’re having a grand ol’ time out here.
It’s why when you hear music you rejoice, we’re all rejoicing together. We all rejoice in the shapes we are NOW. We can be no other shape. That shame or fear you feel has no place here. I’m here with you. You are all love, in every shape.
Please use your skills, strengths, mind, passions, dancing, singing to fill up the shape of your life now. I see you doing that and I feel you “BANK” it. You notice that moment is different. Keep doing that babe. The more you practice the more you’ll see that you’re right where you’re meant to be.
I’m here with you, we all are. I love you.
Thank you nursing shirts, for carrying us through so many days and nights. For keeping me warm, keeping Smooshy safe and comforted, for supporting us for so long. You were with us through many shapes. Thank you for everything XOXOX