Our First Informal Chat
Dear Unconditional Love - what would you have me know today?
Gosh what a weird thing to be worried about being good enough, doing enough, saying enough, having enough. It feels like Dr. Becky gets it right when she says, “‘enough’ is a tricky concept.”
Why are you worried about this today, honey? I know you feel like a bad mom for not being “able” to stay with Smooshy in the room for longer than an hour and a half. And I know so much of that is because you wanted to come down here to talk with me. I know you thought you left plenty of time to check in formally.
I am SO proud of you for checking in informally while you lay there. I heard you say, “Love, are you there?” and I was, wasn’t I?!
I said, “I’m here babe. You’ve got this. You can be present right now. I will always be here. You don’t have to come down to your computer to prove your commitment of checking in with me. You didn’t miss a day because you spoke with me in spirit instead of typing out my messages. There is no purity test here. Be with your son, hear his laugh, admire your partner. Wow is he the best. Singing song after song with your son, your little rainbow. Be here. Spend time here. This is not an emergency. You can do this.”
And you rolled over and sang your rock a bye baby Hawaii song and really cuddled close to be present with Smooshy aaaaaaand he crashed his head into yours and hit you. So you needed to leave. That’s ok too. The doors aren’t locked. I’m so proud of you. You tried. And trying means you’re doing it perfectly.
Remember there’s no such thing as perfect anyways, so let me worry about that. You just spend your time being worthwhile - spending time where you want to be and sinking in while you’re there. No need to float around with the extras weighing on you. I’ll let you know if something is urgent.
I’ve got you. You’ve got this. I love you.
Now go to sleep, love. And spend time with your Smooshy tomorrow morning. That’s all he wants and needs is you and your time. You’ve got this.
10:30 p.m. bedtime reset after the shittiest hour. It’s all going to be ok, Mommy.