Care Out Loud
Dear Unconditional Love - what would you have me know today about caring?
Oh honey. I see you. You’ve been told for so long that showing you care needs to be done in a way that is palatable for everyone around you. Someone brings you something you are surprised by? Gasp, but not too loud. You score a goal against your ever skilled husband? Cheer, but not too loud or too much. You’re angry about having to do bedtime by yourself as your spouse lays there asleep with not a care in the world? You can be mad, but you need to be grateful/you are so lucky. You have so much support. Be kind, be easy, never too much.
Oh but if you don’t care? You’re cold, callous, “something is wrong with her” yadda yadda yadda.
It’s a no win situation, my love. All outward displays of emotion that have sense of care in them are inherently going to be too much for other people to handle. Or at the very least, inconvenient and uncomfortable for other people to handle.
But that’s not because caring, expressing, “being” is BAD, babe. It’s because no one is inside your mind or inside your body. What you express, whether happy or sad, will be jarring to anyone not living with us. They’re not in our house 24/7/365. They’re in their own house with their own colored paint on the wall listening to you talk about how awful it is that the pink paint you wanted to put up in your office isn’t the exact shade you wanted. They’re thinking “who cares? My blue walls are fine.” Or, spoiler alert, maybe they are thinking NOTHING like that and they really do care.
Either way, someone’s reaction to your experience or your outward expression of care is none of your fucking business. You may experience their reaction, but it doesn’t make your caring WRONG if they don’t care the same, or think you care too much.
You expressing that you care for yourself, your family, safety, social justice, etc. in your own home is what LOVE is. That’s why I’m here. I’m with you in those moments where you don’t have to be palatable and fit into a fucking box not to make anyone else uncomfortable.
Pretending you don’t care is a thing of the past. When other people express their discomfort with your caring expression, hear them, believe them, and move the fuck on. Apologize if you need to, tell them it’s ok to get frustrated and it’s not their job to tone police you unless they feel personally hurt.
You’re allowed to care. You don’t have to pretend you don’t anymore. “You are the adults in the room” and you get to decide what you care about and HOW, because you deserve that.
Care out loud, my love. It’s the closest to freedom we’re probably going to get here. I’m here with you if you ever need to be reassured of that again. I love you and I CARE about you.
You don’t see this little rainbow apologizing for caring too much about… literally anything, do you? Let’s not teach him that’s the way, ok babe?